spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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