Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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