my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
