Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
