Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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