I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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