its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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