How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
