i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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