This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
