What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
