There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
