I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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