I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
