found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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