Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
