Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
