I think my vagina is haunted
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
