Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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