I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
try to milk me bitch
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