I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
