It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
