i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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