i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
