I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
