i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
