Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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