a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
