After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
