You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
