I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
