Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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