is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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