I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
