They should really pass out barf bags in church
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your cock deserves a montage
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
