People with herpes should wear stickers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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