I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
