youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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