Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
