My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
