why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
