i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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