she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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