this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
