didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
