I'm jealous of your bromance
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
