Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
