Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
