i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
