trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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